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Gratitude and Dreams

November 28th, 2006 Posted in being, gratitude, visualization

I’m going to try and start each journal entry with what I am grateful for from now on. Law of attraction states that the more we think about something, the more it becomes part of our lives. Therefore, it only makes sense that I think about positive things and things I want, so that I may receive more of them in my life.

1. I am healthy.

2. I am grateful for Dave coming into my life. His calm, quiet demeanor and his gentleness. His touches, and his smiles, and his faith and trust in me. Just… Dave.

3. Tink. This cat makes me so bloody happy and squishy, it’s absolutely amazing.

4. Having two hands to be able to use them to help others.

5. A heater every night when I go to sleep. It gets bloody cold sometimes.

6. Dave’s warm feet so that I may cuddle my own against them at night.

7. The series “Smallville.” I never got into it before but we’ve recently rented the DVDs and we’re both stuck on it. I guess it’s comforting to see someone with such great abilities willing and able to help others unselfishly, anonymously. I know it’s fiction, but we’re all Super(wo)man in our own right.

8. My sister. She may be a fucktard at times, but I love the butthead anyway.

9. Dave’s mother, Sylvia. I’ve always asked for a mother who will love me unconditionally, be proud of me, tell me she loves me, be kind towards me, speak to me in kind words, give me continuous hugs.. just.. a mother of my dreams who would always be there for me, who I would never doubt her love for me. And then I met Dave’s mother, and I found that the law of attraction, once again, works in mysterious ways. She isn’t my blood mother, but she makes up for what was always lacking in my life. I love my (future) mother-in-law. She treats me like I am her own daughter, and I appreciate her to no end.

10. Dave’s grandmother, Gran. I always try to make sure she knows how much I love her. I’ve never really been close to any of my own grandparents, and Gran has always always, without fail, accepted me into the family. She is so kind, understanding, loving. I can see where Sylvia got her example of love. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for Gran, because she asks for so little, and gives us so much.

11. Having good vegetarian beef, compliments of Yve’s. Dude. I used to miss strip beef, but this is just as good as the actual thing. I’m glad Dave and I have the strength enough to stay vegetarians even though we were voracious meat eaters. That’s true strength — when you do something you don’t want to do because you believe it’s the right thing.

12. My new job. I am grateful that my (new) supervisor, Toni, has enough foresight and faith in me to create a whole new position just so she can hire me. She re-arranged the entire budget department so that the non-profit agency can afford to hire me on as full-time. I am grateful that someone in her position is willing to look at me and see true potential, and give me a chance to fly. I’m grateful that I’m the first person ever in this agency to do what I do because no one’s ever done this particular position before. I can’t wait to get started. I can’t wait to be able to help people again, for a living. I’m grateful to be able to work in a non-profit, just as I’ve always wanted to. I know it pays lower than government/state jobs, but I also know that the money is put to good use, and no one’s taking advantage of the system here.

13. I’m grateful that my sister told me yesterday that my mother told her, “I think I need to stop talking about the negative things in Helen’s life, otherwise I will lose her.” Although I know my mom would never admit that to me herself, I’m grateful she finally sees I’m worth keeping. Even if just for a little while.

14. My LJ friends. I’m grateful for each and every one of all of them, because I hand picked them all myself. They bring their positive aura into my life, and I know that when I have nowhere else to turn, I can write to my heart’s content here, and they will understand. I am grateful for just their quiet, listening ears, and they always seem to know when I want comments too. ;)

15. I’m grateful for consignment stores and good will stores, so that I don’t have to go to huge department stores and waste hundreds of dollars on single items that were made in sweatshops for pennies a day. I’m grateful for the grassroots organizations and agencies around here to keep me sane when I want to “go shopping.”

16. My books. Oh, my books, my books, my books. And gift certificates to the bookstore. That’s all I want for Christmas, all I want for my birthday, all I want for presents, period.

17. I’m grateful for “The Allegiance” video game on Playstation. Dave and I have been playing it together, and I must say, I’m kinda addicted. I never really get addicted to video games. Seems kind of silly to me, but it gives me and Dave some time spent together while his computer is still down, and it kinda feels like we’re two superheroes fighting the good fight together.

18. I’m grateful for my yoga teacher. She’s one of those people who you can’t help but be happy and smiley around, simply because she exudes positive energy everywhere she goes. Her calm nature makes me think more objectively, less panicky about my life situation, and have faith in the universe.

19. Japanese udon noodle soup. And getting Gran addicted to Japanese food, most particularly tempura. I have an ally with me now whenever I want to go out for Japanese food. Hehehe.

20. Saying “I love you” to Dave about a hundred times a day, and hearing it back just as often. I’m grateful that it rolls off our tongues so damn easily, and that we don’t take it for granted.

21. My camera. I love my camera. When I have motivation and inspiration, I can create great pieces of art (even if you don’t agree ;P).

I have a lot of dreams in my life. They’re pretty simple, if you compare them to the regular American dream, with people wishing for million dollar homes and fancy cars and whatnot. My dreams consist of simple achievements. I want my PhD, I want to marry the love of my life, I want children, I want a nice little home by the water, I want to help people, I want to make a difference, I want to one day create an agency solely dedicated to charity and giving back to my community. I have a lot of dreams.

And I’m going to make each and every single one of them come true. Because I can, and there is nothing short of accidental death that will stop me. And even then, I will come back in my next life, and continue where I left off. I am going to achieve each and every one of them. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Simply because I believe I can, I will. Simply because I can see myself holding my PhD diploma, I will. Simply because I can see myself with children, I will. Simply because I can see it happening, it will happen.

You just wait and see. You just wait and see.

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