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Home Sweet Home

September 28th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in being

When Dave and I were on our honeymoon in the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico last November, we saw on television a commercial for a vacation in White Rock, BC. We thought that was so hilarious, since that was where we live and came from! We had to travel all those thousands of miles, almost halfway around the world and into an entirely new country with a different spoken language, just to find that people there were coveting to come to where we were. Isn’t it funny how the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence? We laughed at that, and joked that we could’ve stayed home for our honeymoon and told everyone we went to “White Rock, BC” for our honeymoon. Heh.

Dave and I don’t really like to travel. The airplane ride and the waiting in the airport and all that jumble crap give us a headache. We both wish there was a way to teleport to a place within seconds. It will come, just probably not in our lifetime, darn it. It’s the only thing that stops us from traveling more often! That, and we love home. We’re both homebodies. That’s probably why we get along so well. We can imagine staying in even the best las vegas hotels when we can just as likely stay in the comfort of our own home. Imagine that, eh? I guess we’re different than most people.

Weeds

September 25th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in reflection

I’ve been catching up on my Weeds episodes. I just finished Season 4 yesterday, and man, what an awesome show! It’s one of those intellectual shows.. reminds me a bit of Arrested Development, though not as witty and a little more twisted. There was this one episode where Celia went to alcohol rehab and met all these crazy characters hooked on cocaine and heroine and such, and she was like, “My life is better than yours, thanks for letting me realize I can still change!” :P Yeesh. For whatever reason, I laughed so hard. I think it’s because it amuses me that this character, Celia, a selfish crazybitch, couldn’t see before that others are worse off than she is.

Anyway, great show. Baby crying. Gotta go.

The Other Half of Team

September 24th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections

Last night, when Dave finally joined me in bed, we had a long cuddle session, where the only words that came out of our mouths were “I love you.” I thought that there wasn’t a way to love this man more than I already had before we had Lily Bean, but again I was proven wrong. It is something else to love the father of your child… to know that there is something big that we created together — a life, a beautiful soul, a lovely person. I am grateful that I was already in love with him before we had a baby because the baby only heightens my sense of love for him afterwards. We still do things together, like we have always done, and we are still partners in crime, like we have always been. Except now, there is one more thing that our world revolves around, together: the baby. Knowing that I can depend on him to be on the same page as me when it comes to parenting, knowing that we can talk about anything and everything when it comes to her, knowing that he has the same dedication as I do when it comes to upbringing our child, it gives me comfort and I am easily rest assured that I am not alone in loving this child this much. She also has her daddy.

In our spare time, Dave and I surf the internet. When the baby is sleeping, after oohing and ahhing over how beautiful she is even in her sleep, we discuss politics and technological news and wishlists (such as wanting a micro sd, for example). But then when the baby wakes up, the attention immediately goes to the baby. I’m glad, though, that we are still finding time for ourselves as husband and wife. Even if it is in everyday simple tasks like surfing the internet together.

The Feeling

September 24th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude, reflection

While still adjusting to being a new mom, I realized how really seriously I take the job. My days are spent, literally, dedicated to Lily Bean, completely. Everything I do seems to revolve around her. Even making myself food revolves around her - I eat healthy so that I can make good breast milk for her, so that she gets everything she needs. I continue not to drink so that the alcohol content doesn’t slip into my breast milk, which may affect her negatively. Even when I eat my favorite fruits and veggies, it is still kept in mind that I eat for her now. I take a shower so that when I cuddle with her, she can smell me fresh and be calmed by my pleasant, clean smell. I sleep so that I can wake up and have enough energy to fully dedicate my time and love to her. I clean her poopy diapers willingly and lovingly, and hand wash the poop stains off of her g-pants and clothes whenever she leaks. I do this with a smile on my face knowing that it is done for her. Nothing is too big of a sacrifice. I surf the internet for things that she would like or things that would be good for her. I haven’t shopped for myself in ages. While I always hated doing laundry, now I look forward to doing hers, because folding them up and having them clean and neatly put away in her drawers make me feel good… to provide fresh, clean things for her to wear. Every time I see something, someone, anything, anyone, it is with the thought, “Would this be good for Lily Bean?”

The other day, I overheard Dave talking to his daughter — our daughter — about “Mommy.” He told her, “You have a very loving mother. She dedicates every waking moment to you. When she is not cuddling with you or talking with you, she is cleaning up after you, or making food for you. She loves you very much.” It is sweet that he notices, and I am proud and it brings a tear to my eye that I am allowed this miracle in life — to provide for someone else, to love someone else this much, to be a mother. Each day I see her, I can’t help but think, “Wow, I am so lucky to be your mom. Thank you for being my daughter.”

(Who needs any type of promotional products when I’ve got my Lily Bean?)

Loving All Types

September 15th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections, gratitude, received

These days, while spending all of my time with family, it has been brought to my immediate realization over and over again that family is so very important. I spend all of my time with Dave and Lily Bean, with intermittent time spent with other extended relatives like my mother-in-law and my siblings-in-law from time to time. Family sticks with you. Family, when you grow up, is who you choose to be around you all the time. I have all different types of family members with all types of personality traits, and I can’t be more grateful the many rainbow of personalities surrounding me these days. For instance, I have a cousin-in-law who drives a nifty Harley (and seems to always be looking for Harley parts). He has tattoos all over his body and a beard that comes down to his chest. He looks like one of those awesome bike dudes you see hanging around in bars. Exactly like that, actually. Yet, he’s the most gentle soul anyone can ever know. Isn’t it neat?

Another example - I have a brother-in-law who in his spare time travels the world. He saves every morsel of income he makes to go to Thailand, Japan, Australia, England, and now he’s planning on possibly Africa and New Zealand. I’ve always wanted to travel and told myself that “one day” it would be easier and we’d be able to do it as a family, yet there’s my BIL, able to do just that almost every year. I admire his audacity to “just do it,” so to speak.

So many different personalities, all so beautiful. The more people I surround myself with, the more I realize that I have the capacity and ability to love all types of people, and not just people who are like me. I like that.

All is Well Here

September 14th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude, received

It has been a while since I last updated my gratitude blog. Time flies when you’re busy hugging and kissing an infant child. She is absolutely amazing. It is much too obvious to say that I am so very grateful for her, but there it is.

It is amazing how much our lives have changed since we’ve brought her into our world. One of my friends had told me when I was pregnant that when she is born, there will be moments where I will be so proud to be her mother, so proud to have her in my life, so grateful that she is mine, and that I am hers. I had told her at the time, “I’m already proud and I haven’t even seen her yet!”

This is nothing like I thought it would be. It is like a thousand times more beautiful, more sacred, more wonderful. Being a mother is so wonderful. I’ll take a thousand poopy diapers any day to ensure her happiness, her safety, her good health for the rest of her life. I’ll do anything for her. This unconditional love is like no other. There’s no darn thing she can do — ever — to make me love her any less, let alone stop loving her.

The feeling is amazing. I even miss her when I’m asleep. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just to tiptoe to where she is sleeping and look at her, listen to her soft breathing (and sometimes loud breathing and grunts and squeaks.. hehe), and all is well with the world. We can be at war, and still all is well with the world. We can have to apply for mortgage life insurance over and over again and still, all is well with the world. As long as she’s alive and safe and happy, all will always be well with the world.