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Showing Kindness

May 29th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections, gratitude

Being in a relationship — particularly a marriage — takes a lot of work. It’s active participation, active perspective holding, active everything, really. After about 10 years of knowing Dave, and 8 years of being together, and almost a year of marriage, we’ve really been able to find the perfect relationship for the both of us. As much as I value communication and honesty, I think above all else, Dave and I value kindness most. We make a real effort to be kind to each other, always saying “thank you” for the little things we do for each other, acknowledging when the other one is working hard at being emotionally regulated, and especially acknowledging when the other is stressed out and needs our kind shoulder to lean on. I think this is the most important part of a relationship. We’ve been practicing kindness towards each other for years. Sometimes we slip when we’re grumpy or stressed, but we always fall back into that pattern of practicing kindness and compassion. We’re completely two different people, of course. It’s hard to forget that when certain aspects of our personalities clash so well (ie: he is the king procrastinator, and I am the queen do-it-now), and we’re constantly reminded that yes, indeed, we *are* two different people. But we’re two different people who make the conscious effort to understand each other, compromise for each other, and be kind to each other. It isn’t so hard to love each other. It’s the matter of “liking” each other all the time that takes work and many attempts. Hehe.

This is a very stressful time for us right now. We’re holding it together well, but I think it is because we’re doing it together. I’m not going to go into details because I’d rather chat about it with my friends than just spill it to the the unknown abyss of the internet (I’m more social that way, I suppose?), so if you want to know, send me an email or an IM or whatever. Heh.

Anyway, yesterday, Dave and I had a long, long talk about how we’re handling this stress. We’re quite proud of how we’re handling it — with calm words, lots of “I love you”s, and constant reminders that we’ll make it through because we have each other. We strategize on what to do next, we look at all our options, we acknowledge each other’s attempts and we’re extra kind to each other. Yesterday, I came home to the dishes all washed, dinner being made, the litter box clean, the trash taken out. And I gave him a kiss and I said, “Thank you for doing all this stuff, husband. :)” He said you’re welcome, and kissed me back. It’s the small acknowledgments and actions that remind me that we work hard together, that we deserve each other, and that we’re going to make it. We’re one of the marriages that will make it.

I told him yesterday, “Despite all this stress and shit hitting the fan, I wouldn’t go through it with anyone else but you.”

His response? “Me, too.”

The Perfect Match

May 27th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in headlines

Every so often, I find that I need to change web hosting for one reason or another. It’s hard to find the perfect match when you’re really looking, so I’m going to make sure I bookmark these web hosting articles for future reference. I gotta tell ya — the most satisfying thing in the world (add it to my grateful list!) when it comes to owning a website is having dependable web hosting service. It’s hard to find, and even harder to keep. There are a lot of things to watch out for: service, dependability, no hidden fees and charges, minimal server downtime, SQL and database help (because I’m a nimrod when it comes to these two things), and most of all: friendly staff. At least with WebhostingRating.com, you can do your research thoroughly before making decisions on who you want to service your website. Trust me, it’s a big deal. Moving sites from one server to another just cuz of you don’t like the old server is a pain in the arse! Better find the right one from the get-go — that makes it much easier.

Wednesday Unwinding

May 27th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

One of the things that I continue to be grateful for is my job. Not only that, but also the fact that I work with great people. It’s hard not to like a job when you work with great people. Even if the job itself sucks (and sometimes it does — what job is great *all* the time, right?), it’s still well worth it when you get to see smiling faces who that you actually enjoy seeing. I’ve been laying pretty low the last few days, what with the 3-day weekend holiday and not many clients in crisis right now (knock on wood!). Tomorrow, I go back into the office and have appointments in town, so I’ll see more of my coworkers again. That shall be fun. Wednesdays are our colleague lunches with the favorite social workers and coworkers (well, basically whoever can join in), so it’s become a ritual to set some time apart every Wednesday at lunch time for us to just get together and unwind, work-wise. I’m going to miss these Wednesdays when I’m on maternity leave.

Online Pharmacy

May 27th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in headlines

Last week, I went with Ms. Jenbug to fill out some of her prescriptions. What a headache that can be sometimes. What I am really grateful for are days when we’re each fortunate enough to not have to wait half our life away just filling out prescriptions at the pharmacy. I have to make sure I bring a book with me when I go to the pharmacy because it always seems like I have to wait longer than I expected or planned for. I always asked my doctor if there was any way I can get them filled online or something, or over the phone, so I don’t have to schedule in half a day just to wait at the pharmacy. Now, it’s finally possible! With getting prescription drugs - magic online pharmacy will fill any prescription either online or over the phone, so that you can do it in the convenience of your own home, where you’re comfortable and you don’t have to friggin’ wait in line. They’re fully authorized too. I will keep this in mind next time I have to go to the pharmacy. Better yet, I’ll remind Jenbug next time she makes me go with her to the pharmacy. Heh.

Current List of Goodness

May 27th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

There are many things to be grateful for right now. It is during our most critical times of need that we really need to make an extra effort to recognize the positive so that we don’t dwell on the negative. The negative will bring us down, and when we’re down, it’s hard to get back up. Here is my current list of things that I am grateful for:

- the occasional sunshine outside
- my growing belly
- my husband, Dave
- a wonderful, extended family
- my growing relationship with my mother
- having a friend I can always count on and trust intrinsically
- people who understand me
- my laptop
- my overall good health
- the left side of my face being clear of pimples (heh)
- getting a good night’s rest last night
- a freer case load at work
- Tinkerbell the stinker kitty
- good episodes of HGTV shows
- a good book to read
- being calmer and not angry

Iphone Protector

May 26th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in headlines

My friend Julie showed me her nifty new iphone. I can honestly say that I am very uber jealous of her. It looks rad and I want one for myself now. It may be a while, though, given our money tightness. However, I’m going to pass it on to Julie about the iphone screen protector that I came across while browsing the internet the other day. I used to have a screen protector for one of my older cell phones, and if I had an iphone, I would totally use one to protect it too. It’s worth it — it’s invisible, doesn’t look weird, and protects the phone from nasty scratches and such. It’s a tough little thing, and it comes with a lifetime warranty. That’s how awesome it works! And if you don’t want to use it anymore, it comes out clean with no residue sticky mess. It’s not a sticker, by no means. It’s an awesome protector. I’m bookmarking it for when I get an iphone too!

Ode to Love

May 26th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude, received

One of the greatest pleasures in life is family. I feel like the older I get, the more of this I realize. As young people, we generally concentrate on our careers, sometimes our education, making money, owning that house, getting all the possessions we feel we deserve and need, building that “life” that makes us secure and rich and essentially “happy.” And then as we close in to old age, given all the things life has to offer, all the ups and the downs, the only way we are able to get through those times (the good and the bad) is by depending on the people in our lives. Without them, we are that much more worse off. It’s during crisis and happiness — the extremes of life in general — that we truly realize how much we need people in our lives. When you have joy, you want to share it with someone. When you have sadness, you want to depend on someone’s shoulder. People don’t go home after a long day of work and talk to their beautiful new outfit. People don’t call up their bracelets and their eye liners and share the good news of a promotion. People depend on other people.

I suppose there is a fine balance. I wouldn’t want to be one of those people who can’t enjoy a good possession or two — living too stringently or strictly to one’s “vision” can be tiring also. On the other hand, I also don’t want to be one of those people who concentrate so much on what I want and “need” versus what I already have. Clothes in my closet come and go, new fads are in and out, new cars become old and eventually obsolete. Even my valued laptop, which I absolutely adore, will one day be old news to me, making way for another upgraded brand of technology, that I will also learn to adore. All these things are so fleeting, so temporary, so transient. The objects of our affection are never permanent. Even the people we love aren’t guaranteed to stay there for ever.

The only thing that remains, really, is the love we feel for them. The love that takes us in and out of binds, in and out of joy, in and out of crisis and happiness. The love that makes us endure all things wonderful and all things bad. The ups and downs of life, held together closely by the strings of love. Without it, we are but a society of suicidal thoughts, depression, and madness. Without it, we are homeless in the middle of all these transient things. Without it, we can never stop searching.

My ode in this entry is to my family. The one I grew up with, and the one I’ve learned to create for myself as the years go by. My husband, my Dave, my best friend, my confidante, my partner in crime. He changes on a daily basis — different set of clothing everyday, sometimes with an unshaven face and other times with a smooth face, sometimes with a shaggy haircut and other times with a clean cut hair style, sometimes grumpy and sometimes cheery. Even his moods change on an everyday basis. And yet, throughout it all, I look at him and I see the same love. The same, comforting, undenying love. The love that transcends the senses, the visuals, the smells, the touches. That’s the one thing that isn’t so transient. It remains. Through the thick and the thin, it remains.

My love for the people in my life, in general. My love for my extended family, my love for the kicking little baby girl inside my uterus. My love for my friends, for my clients. Each day, all this “love” grows into one big ball, and in my neediest times, when nothing in the world makes sense, when the mirror doesn’t shoot back the person I was readily expecting, when reality doesn’t line up with fantasy and expectations, I hold this one big ball, and it helps me through it all. The one big ball of love. It’s what gets me through.