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April 28th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in visualization

As I look at my handsome fiance, I am amazed that I will be calling him my husband in less than 3 months. Less than THREE MONTHS!! I look at him, and I can now envision our wedding day.. him being so dressed up and handsome, looking nervous. I envision our children to come, and our home together. I envision the many magical times we will spend together as a family.

I have been nesting, so to speak, for about a year now. Ever since the engagement last February, I’ve been nesting, looking at baby clothes, wanting to buy new curtains, cleaning house, emptying closets, eyeing baby/nursery books, looking at prices for baby furniture, eyeing which stores sell maternity clothes… You get the idea. I am nesting. I am excited to start a family. I am excited to be a wife, to be a mother.

I am excited to be his wife, and his children’s mother.

Food Gratitude

April 22nd, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

On Saturday we went for our reception tasting at the location we’re having our wedding. The food was absolutely FANTASTIC! I am in awe at what a great job our chef did, especially given the fact that we were ordering him to create a pure buffet of “vegetarian chinese food” for the wedding. What’s more, he is an Italian cook (I believe) and has never cooked chinese food before. It was going to be interesting, I suspected, and also nerve-wracking, if I were to be completely honest.

Brian, our lovely lovely chef from Minter Gardens, did us well. He worked really hard. He said that it was hard to say no to me because I was so nice to him, and sounded like such a nice person. He wasn’t so bad himself, actually. Very nice guy. I’m glad they catered to us, even though technically Minter Gardens don’t really cook outside of their areas of comfort.

There were thai salads, and awesome stir fry, and a fantastic soup, and even something carvey (I forget the fancy-schmancy name). It was a fusion mix of “white” food with chinese food. I think everyone’s going to be impressed.

I’ve never done this before, you know — organize a whole fancy elegant event. I think after the wedding is done, I probably won’t do it again (unless, of course, our children ask me to help them with their wedding!). It’s just not my style to think so hoity toity. However, given that, I am very very excited for our wedding now. :D At least the food will be great!

The New Office Space

April 21st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

Yesterday, a few of my coworkers and I moved our offices into the new counseling space. It’s rather homier in there, and it feels nicer than the upstairs room, definitely. After a few hours of muscle pulling and stretching, we finally got all of our stuff downstairs. Martha and I were the first to snag our own desks, since we’re the only full-time therapists there. Now I have this lovely lovely wooden-surfaced bureau type desk thing for my office space.

I’m bringing in one of our fish from home to deem him as the Counselor Fish for all to enjoy and tend to. Something lively to fill the space up. Maybe a plant or two? Hmm…

The Wedding Update

April 20th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in being

The wedding is looking up. To find out more, just go to our wedding site at http://blathersnort.com. We’re starting to get things done, and there are only a few more things to do before the wedding. I absolutely can’t WAIT!! :D :D :D
Now, if only people will freakin’ RSVP. I didn’t realize how nerve-wracking waiting for RSVPs can be!

Keeping Me On My Toes

April 18th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in encompassed

Okay this week is really really nuts, particularly the last two days. Here is the run down of “How the Universe is Keeping Me On My Toes”

1. Over the weekend, I noticed my car starting to make low humming noises every time I start the engine and press on the accelerator pedal.
2. Crisis with three different families all on Monday, starting Monday. Of course, they all request “immediate mediation assistance” with their family thearpist, which happens to be… who else? Me.
3. My car couldn’t be taken in until Wednesday morning at my regular shop I go to. In the meantime, I was trying to pretend there was nothing wrong with it.
4. Headlights stopped working.
5. Crisis on Tuesday, had to cancel several appointments to get to the family in crisis. Stayed until 6pm.
6. Car began shaking every time I started it.
7. Had to call my supervisor to cancel a presentation I was doing yesterday night at 6pm, regarding community resources for adolescent needs.
8. My laptop had to be reinstalled 7 times, total, within the last week. Yesterday was the last reinstall. Good news is, I now have Vista. Bad news is, the Blue Screen Of Death (BSOD) is still around and kicking. I hear the rumor that Vista upgraded that and changed it to red. I haven’t seen that yet.
9. Yesterday, at the Unemployment office, I ran into Bob-shit-for-brains. If you don’t remember who that is, refer to my entries last August to Octoberish. He was my harassing supervisor in my last job at Lummi who I and two others got fired. :D He was at unemployment filing for services because he can’t find a job. Hehee. I was there to help a client out with vocational resources. It was pretty intense. I saw him, he saw me. I stared him up and down, he did the same. I smirked at him, and he smirked back. And then I walked right past him, two feet away, as if suddenly he ceased to exist for me. I’m glad I got the guy fired.
10. My car had to be taken to the shop last night at 7pm. Dave picked me up.
11. This morning, I realized I had left my wet coat in the washer last night, so I take it out to hang. 10am rolled around, and I thought, “Gee, I wonder why I haven’t gotten any phone calls or messages yet…” Usually my phone starts ringing around 8:30am everyday. I went to look for where my phone would be charging, didn’t see it. Panicked, ran around crazy-like looking for it, then it dawned on me: it’s in the washer. I forgot to take it out of my coat pocket. And yup, there it was. :P Needless to say, it’s making odd noises and won’t turn on. I checked my voicemail, and yup, as I predicted, I had 4 missed calls and 4 voicemails.
12. Decided to try to make some phone calls from home. My phone suddenly stopped working for long distance, so I couldn’t call anyone.
13. Shop calls back, tells me what’s wrong with my car. New bulbs, regular oil change, a new alternator, and a new alternator band are needed. All will cost around $700. Juuuuust great.
14. All my files are locked in my bomb-protected metal lock box…. which of course I conveniently left in my car, which is at the shop. Don’t know any client phone calls to call them back.
15. And, to top it all off, I’m on my period. :P But at least I don’t have any cramps yet.

I’m taking this as a sign to clean my house and do some much needed vacuuming and laundry. I needed a day off, have been asking for a day off, and suddenly I have one. Odd how wishes can manifest themselves into reality.

I Have a Home

April 12th, 2007 | 2 Comments | Posted in gratitude

The more I work in this field, working with social workers, case managers, group home consultations, other therapists, foster parents, adopters, adopters, etc, the more I realize how lucky I am to have a home to come home to. And I haven’t even mentioned what the children and the families teach me.

This job teaches me how grateful I need to be for my everyday normalities. Being able to wake up and know whose bed I am in (my own), go to work, eat lunches and dinners that I choose to, seeing the same faces that are familiar and loved to me, going home, home, home. HOME. How important it is to go HOME.

So many kids I work with don’t get to go home. They get bounced around from one foster home to another, one group home to another, one lockdown facility to another, one treatment center to another. And we ask, “Gee, why aren’t they succeeding in school? Why aren’t they realizing they have futures? Gee, whatever can we do?”

Permanency plans and forcing guardianships and adoptions upon unsuspecting foster parents and relative placements. All for the same goal: to give these children a permanent HOME. Home, home, home. How lucky and fortunate, and truly blissed the rest of us are to have the simple things in life like a home to go to, a square meal every night, relatives we get to see whenever we want (or whenever we choose not to). How lucky we are.

On Monday, I didn’t get home until around 9pm. It was literally a 13-hour work day for me. Why you ask? Oh it wasn’t because of paperwork. It wasn’t because of due dates and reports that I needed to get done. It was literally because I was with a kid who didn’t have a home to go to. There was literally nowhere to drop him off after our counseling appointment. So I was waiting around for his social worker to find him a placement. And in the meantime, I was hanging out with him.

Totally cool kid. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want him, but I completely understand his situation, that he couldn’t go “home” because “home” was probably worse off than the streets. And every time I found my insides complaining that I wanted to be home with Dave, with Tink, to sit on the couch I am so used to, to watch the TV I am so accustomed to, to brush my teeth over the sink I am so used to seeing every morning and every evening, to lay in the bed I recognize even with my eyes closed…. I remember how lucky I am that at the end of that night, I at least know where I belong. I at least know where I’m going. He had no clue. And it was eating him inside and all he could do was listen to his music on his ipod. There was nothing I could say or do to make him feel better, so I didn’t even begin to try. There was nothing I could say to make the knowledge that he had nowhere to go a little easier to swallow. All these years of counseling and practicing phrases to say when people are down — none of them seemed to matter at that point.

So we just hung out in silence, for several hours. I bought him dinner, I bought him his favorite drink at the store, and then we sat in silence. Anything else said would have been trivial, arbitrary, silly. And he knew I couldn’t possibly understand what he was feeling right then and there, because our lives are so utterly different from each other’s at that point. He knew I couldn’t have said anything that would let him believe that I knew where he was coming from. Because I really didn’t. So I just sat in silence, and smiled at him whenever he was ready to accept a smile from me.

And home. The simple pleasures of home. None of our problems compare to the simple blisses we already get and yet we don’t even realize most of the time. Our bills and our jobs and the clothes we wear and the shopping sprees we go on and the food we eat and the favorite drinks we drink. None of them compare to the simple pleasures that we are so accustomed to that we take for granted.

Home. Home is what we can’t take for granted. Home is what I am grateful for. Home is what I am fighting for. For everyone. For me, for him, for everyone.

April Fool’s Day?

April 1st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

Seeing as how it’s technically April Fool’s Day, I find it amusing that the day came and went for me without so much as a “HA!” from anyone, or to anyone. I guess that’s what happens when you turn older. Some of the kiddie holidays don’t stand a chance at raising even an eyebrow in your life.

I remember when I was a little kid, we all looked forward to April Fool’s Day. I was constantly on the lookout for someone’s joke, someone’s humor to be played out. I remember this one time we played a joke on my teacher, making her believe something for the whole day, only to yell out “April Fool’s Day!!” at the very end of the day. I don’t remember exactly the details of the joke, but I do remember the look on her face. She was amused, and thank goodness she was angry. It must’ve been relatively harmless.

Anyway, happy April Fool’s Day. ;) No joke!