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Sunrises and Gratitude

January 31st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

Today, I am grateful for:

1. Foggy sunrises.
2. Getting contacts (even though they totally dry out my eyes, damn it).
3. My clients: they are awesome people, all in their beautiful struggles through life.
4. Making stripes with my knitting (YAY!!).
5. Being told by Dave that I’m “pretty” without glasses, versus “pretty and bookish.” :P 6. Having time for a sit-down lunch.
7. Cuddles with Tink.
8. The morning news on AM 1130.
9. Payday is TODAY!!
10. Children.
11. Challenging caseloads: keeps me on my toes!
12. Open-hearted people.
13. Being appreciated by my clients, coworkers, and supervisor.
14. Marita and Doris coming back next week!
15. Maintaining MY spot on the couch (MINE, ya hear me, Fiance?!).
16. Telling my mom respect is not the same thing as fear, nor does one derive from the other.
17. Sticking up for myself, even when it comes to my mom.
18. Noodles.
19. Vietnamese coriander.
20. The ability to make gratitude lists.
21. Being poor and happy.
22. A household filled with love.
23. Time for myself.
24. Sundays.
25. Knowing I chose this lifestyle, and I’m happy with it.
26. Living with no regrets
27. Emails and snail mail.

Our First Laptops

January 27th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in received

For a long time, Dave and I have been vying for a laptop. Yesterday, we decided to get a pair of his-and-hers Gateway Tablet laptops.

They’re absolutely gorgeous, and I got approved for financing, so it should be all good. They’re being delivered right now, and I can’t wait to get them. I’m very very excited!! This will help me tremendously when it comes to documentation for work stuff, and finally being on wifi, like the rest of the world is something I thought I’d never be able to do. Heh. And plus, Dave has been without his own computer for about 4 or 5 months now, so this will be nice. This is the same laptop I wanted to get him when it first came out a few years ago, too.

New glasses, contacts, and now a new laptop. This sure tops the first month of January. Heh.

Today I am grateful for…

January 25th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in gratitude

1. My orange diary.
2. My necklace.
3. My boots.
4. My books.
5. Yoga.
6. Smallville.
7. Fresh, clean water.
8. Dave, Dave, Dave.
9. My mom being nice.
10. My Daddy.
11. Tink cuddles.
12. My client telling me, “I feel better just talking to you. At least you believe in me.”
13. The 5 Tibetans.
14. My genuine belief in humanity.
15. My goals and dreams.
16. My optimism.
17. My new coworkers.
18. Jokes.
19. Silly sarcasms.
20. Getting gas reimbursements. :P

Today, I Am Grateful For…

January 17th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in gratitude

1. The year starting out so well.
2. Shakira and Jewel.
3. Meditation music.
4. My new supervisor.
5. My job.
6. New friends.
7. Amor vincit omnia.
8. Noodles.
9. Dave liking Vietnamese salad wraps.
10. My art supplies.
11. HGTV’s “How Not to Decorate.” I love Justin and Colin!!
12. Food Network’s “Restaurant Makeover.”
13. Cuddly kitty.
14. A clean house.
15. A good vacuum cleaner.
16. Counseling toys.
17. The smell of fresh books.
18. The Lucky Foundation.
19. Dave, Dave, Dave.
20. Afternoon naps.

So Far So Good

January 10th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in visualization

Roughly over a week has passed since the new year began, and I feel like I need to put in an update on how I’m doing with my New Year’s resolutions. Before I get to that, though, I’m trying to make it a habit to list the things I am grateful for, and/or the things I want in life. Today, it will be the things I want in life. These are what I visualize to be my reality. To quote Marita, the mind doesn’t know the difference between doing it, and imagining it.

1. I can visualize The Lucky Foundation, with all its members and influences getting together to make it big and beautiful. I can visualize the many people it will help. I can visualize it getting bigger than I ever imagine. I can visualize myself in a room full of people who want to be involved, giving powerful, hopeful, giving energy to me and the Lucky Foundation. I can visualize it taking off, and becoming my life’s focus. I can see people spreading the word and volunteers asking to spend their time helping it shoot off. I can see world leaders getting involved and including it in their protocol. I can see donaters donating money to help it on its feet. I can see it being in the newspapers so that the word is even more spread. I can see it being interviewed on television worldwide. The path is lit. All I have to do is walk it.

2. I can see Dave loving his new job, and smiling when he gets home everyday. I can see people treating him with the respect he deserves, and appreciating him for all his abilities, credentials, and potential. I can see him working in a cohesive, healthy environment where no one is threatened by his capabilities, and instead utilizes him in a way that is rewarding for him. I can see him happy and smiling at his job.

3. I can see our wedding going off without a hitch. Everyone enjoying themselves, our closest friends and family, giving us positive energy and love. I can see myself in my dress, with my hair curled and left long. I can see flowers in my hair, and Dave in his handsome tux. I can see it all.

4. I visualize the families I’m providing therapy for becoming successful in life, and not needing me, or anyone else, after my services are over. I see them being self-sufficient, self-reliant, and happy. I see their kids not being abused, and smiling. I see them happy.

Boy. This entry has taken me about two days to write so far. Where has all my time gone, I say?!

Do you ever get that dream where you think, “This is too weird to be true, even though it feels so true! I need to pinch myself!” I’m pretty good at lucid dreaming, and realizing I’m dreaming, but staying in it. Last night, I couldn’t actually be sure if I was dreaming. It was our wedding day, and it seemed to be happening so fast. I didn’t get my dress fitted exactly, so it felt so loose. My mom and I got into a fight and I thought she wasn’t coming to the wedding. And then it turned out our wedding was on the same day’s as my cousin’s wedding (who I just found out got engaged to his college sweetheart yesterday). We ended up all taking off in a big giant hotel-like plane. I turned to Dave, and I said to him, “This isn’t going anything like how we planned it. Am I dreaming? Is this for real? I’m going to pinch myself to make sure.” And when I pinched myself in my dream, I woke up. :P
Some awesome things going on in my life right now. I feel kind of scattered right now because everything’s happening so fast, and I’m feeling a little ecstatically overwhelmed.

Anyway, the resolutions for this year:

  1. Let go of any residual anger I have towards people in my past.
    I am doing really well with this. I honestly feel like I’ve let a lot of my anger go. It’s like a huge lift of negative weight off my shoulders. A large part of this is also learning to let go and let things be. I’m okay with the way things are.

  2. Do yoga regularly.
    Since the 30th, I’ve been doing yoga everyday, except on New Year’s Day. That’s 10 classes in a row. My body feels great. Marita and Doris are on vacation right now, to Mt. Kilimanjaro. They’re actually climbing the crazy mountain. They’re away for a month, so this whole month will be a test to my yoga abilities at home. I’m hoping to do at least the 5 Tibetans twice a week, on a regular basis. And then when they come back, go to yoga 3 times a week. Dave and I are also doing couples yoga every Thursday starting in March. :D
  3. Have a fun-ass wedding in July!!
    Time will tell. :D Weird stuff is going on in regards to the second wedding in Vietnam, though. O.o

  4. Call George at least once a week.
    Doing this as well. So far so good. I just have to keep it up. I guess what makes it so hard for me to call him on a regular basis is because the more I talk to him, the more I realize that he may not be around much longer. I’m slowly coming to terms with this, as over the past couple of years, I’ve had to deal with a lot of death, and I found out that life goes on. Memories of people don’t fade over time, and I find that I’ve become more at peace with death… knowing that whatever happens after, they are at peace. I know George loves me, and so does Marian, my grampa, Selena… Wherever they are, they are wonderful.

  5. Read at least one book a month.
    Since my quota is so low, I don’t feel so pressured. I hardly have any time to read anymore, so I’m slowly chipping away at “Wicked,” the book Jen got me for Christmas. I absolutely LOVE it and want to read his other books now. I can completely relate to the character Elphaba. I hope, though, that in my own path, I don’t go evil and fly on a broom. :P
  6. Take my vitamins everyday.
    I missed a day, yesterday. These pills suck. :P
  7. Write in (a) journal everyday (preferably my paper journal).
    Doing well in my embodiment journal. Everyday is written about, so far.

  8. Most importantly, practice loving kindness to everyone.
    This is a wonderful one. Along the journey of meeting people everyday, I’ve been practicing sending out loving energy to all those around me. People, even perfect strangers, have come back and commented to me about how I literally “glow.” Marita and Doris commented that I am just lit with glowing energy. Dave’s moods are infinitely lifted because of my good energy (or well, part of it anyway). My clients are just eating up my loving energy that I am aiming towards them, and they are more motivated to work because they know I genuinely believe in them. It’s amazing that when I consciously send positive energy out, there is so much concrete evidence of what good I can do. Absolutely amazing.

Excited & Grateful

January 9th, 2007 | 2 Comments | Posted in gratitude

Some awesome possum new and exciting stuff going on. I can hardly contain myself!! I’ll write more after I go to yoga and get to work today. I’ve been going to yoga everyday since the 30th. :D
So many things changed. Dang. In the meanwhile, here is a list of the things I am grateful for this morning (I keep forgetting to do this before every journal entry):

1. My new art ink pens. I’m enjoying using them.
2. My newfound love and motivation to draw.
3. Marita and Doris, my yoga teachers, and life inspirators.
4. My new orange-flavored embodiment journal (to which Candice will appreciate when she sees a pic of it).
5. Making wedding invitation cards.
6. Cheesecake. !! I forgot how tasty these are!
7. Dave finally going to Mongolie Grill with me!
8. Mother Earth. She’s so amazing.
9. Tink’s cuddles in the middle of the night.
10. Homemade noooodles.
11. My new and improved appreciation and outlook on life.
12. My beautiful body.
13. Doing the horizontal tango with Dave. ;P
14. My energy. In Dave’s words, “[Your energy is] powerful stuff.”
15. Simonsays’s prettiful photos he sent me. :) And the prettiful rocks. I rub them when I am feeling grateful.
16. Vitamin C chewables. Man those things are tasty!
17. Dave’s homemade orange julius drinks. Yummm…

… and most importantly:

18. THE LUCKY FOUNDATION

I wrote in my embodiment written journal the other day.. .that it’s odd that I don’t have much to write about when I’m happy. I’ve been only writing a few paragraphs a day, describing why my day was happy. And that’s pretty much it for an entry everyday.

P.S. I want to wish Marita and Doris all the best luck in the world in climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa this month. I’ll be sending great, big, motivated energy your way! Will miss you very much, and will see you both when you get back. :)

Reflections of the New Year

January 4th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in encompassed

Ever since 2007 began (well, actually, it started even before that — around December, 2006), I’ve been feeling ultimately alive. It probably has a lot to do with the type of journey I went on in 2006. There were a lot of crisiseseses (how the heck do you spell that word?) in 2006. And with each one, even though I didn’t know it at the time, there grew an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, movement, and strength. As hard as 2006 was for me, and as much as I have supposedly “lost,” I gained so much more in return. With every collapse there is an infinite number of possibilities and doors opened. And I’m grateful for those lessons.

I’ve been thinking about my journey a lot lately, and it amazes me that I am so able to be filled with love and positive energy throughout it all. I’m amazed that I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. I could be filled with anger, and hatred, and negativity towards all those people who supposedly “did me wrong” in 2006, but I feel nothing but love towards them. More like an indifferent type of love. I’ve grown to a point where I feel like I don’t need to hold on to grudges in order to learn something about myself. I don’t need to look at things so personally and feel spited by people. I’m so happy to have reached this point.

I think yoga had a lot to do with. After going to 3 different yoga studios in the last 2 or so years, I finally found the studio perfect for me. Marita and Doris, my teachers, fill me with light and hope every time I see them, and I eventually realized that I was building my weekly schedule around yoga times. Since 2007 started, I’ve been going to yoga almost everyday. And in each class, I leave with a more positive, uplifted feeling. After each class, I am able to hold onto that positive energy longer throughout the day. I’m able to smile more, be angry less, and just generally be happy. Marita’s words towards the end of every yoga class, during savasana, have truly hit home. At first I thought, “What could I possibly gain from these? They’re kinda corny and cheesy. I’m not that cheesy.” But then slowly, over the weeks, the months, the words somehow seeped into my spirit, and I found myself lighter, happier, more free. Her words touch my soul, my heart, and I carry them with me through the day, throughout the week, until I can come to yoga again. The reminders to love everyone I meet, to learn from people I know and don’t know, to give with all my heart, to just go with the flow without being abused. To just be. To just stay. To just be okay. They remind me that even as the world present me with tough situations, I not only can come out of them with grace, I also come out of them without anger. Without resentment.

And it’s true what they say: if you believe it, it will happen. If I expect happiness, all I see is happiness. If I expect people to be rotten to me, all I see is negative behaviors. If I expect goodness, all I see is goodness. I am constantly amazed at what I find even though it is what I’ve always been seeking for. Just the shifting of negative thoughts into positive thoughts, the shifting of negative obsessions into positive obsessions, have truly been inspirational to me.

As of late, I’ve truly come to accept my life as it is. All the experiences, all the lessons, all the beauty and the hurt. I’ve truly come to appreciate everything that is me, because there is no one else like me. I’m so blessed to have lived through this life. When I tell my story to people, a lot of them are horrified at what I had to go through as a child, and then they tell me how amazed they are at what I’ve become as an adult. I’m done regretting my life. I’m done being angry. I’m done blaming others. I’m just done. We are all teachers in each other’s lives, and there is nothing but lessons to learn. We are all good to each other simply by coming into each other’s lives. Even through deceivingly “bad” experiences, there is always a light that shines on them. There is always another perspective. Truly, even through my hurt, there has been light. Because they made me who I am, and there is nothing, no one, else in the whole wide world like me. How can I not fully embrace all that has made me “me,” then?

In the past, I’ve had such a hard time dealing with people leaving me, and now, dealing with me leaving people. I’ve always viewed it as something “bad,” something undesirable. That saying goodbye is something wrong. Rejection is such a negative word to a potentially healing experience. I am grateful now, for all those people who were strong enough to leave me when they did. Even when I couldn’t see it, they did me a big favor. They gave me a big lesson. To truly be able to accept people for the way they are, and to say “no” is okay. When someone leaves me, it doesn’t mean they don’t love me. When I leave someone, it doesn’t mean I don’t love them. It only means, that this crisis will spring an opportunity. This crisis is an opportunity. An opportunity to grow. A new chapter to start. How beautiful my teachers have been, and they didn’t even know it.

I don’t know if I will ever talk to the people of my past again. I don’t know if we’re meant to be friends again. I don’t know what the future will hold. But the past is truly gone, and all I have to hold onto is the brief present. And it is also always fleeting. The second that was just here is now pass. And I don’t want to waste all this time regretting, fearing, being scared, hating, being angry. Whatever may come, will come. Everything else is just icing on the cake. To be able to go with the flow, and affect the current of change. What a beautiful thing that is.

And even if I never talk to any of those people in the past again, I no longer have the desire to get the last word in. I no longer have the desire to “explain” myself, over and over again. I am only in charge of my own mind, and I am satisfied with my own explanation of who I am. I am me. And even if our paths never meet again, there lies the true wisdom inside me that they existed. And by having existed in my life, they have ingrained me a lifelong lesson that will last longer than my physical life. They will be passed down to my children, bloodstream to bloodstream. Every experience connects us to the cosmic force. Every connection is our own. Even without seeing, hearing, or touching, I am and always will be connected to all those around me. Then, now, and later.

Marita just emailed me and said I can come to tomorrow’s early morning class because she will be teaching it. I wonder what I will learn about my soul tomorrow. Today, I did the full wheel. It was only for 2.5 seconds, as I got so excited I stumbled out of it. But wow — the FULL WHEEL POSE!! What a mind-body accomplishment. How wonderful this body of mine feels. How wonderful it thinks. How wonderful my existence is. I have nothing to do but to share my love with the whole wide world, until every person can feel it in their bones. Until every person can touch the energy I’m sending out, halfway around the world. My energy will grow, exponentiate, until it touches every little child out there. Every child in need of love, s/he will know that there is love, because I will give it. Because I am giving it.

There is nothing to do but to love. Nowhere to be but here, loving. What a wonderful world this is. To affect change through love.