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George and Marian

June 14th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections

Every so often, I remember back to the days when George and Marian were alive. I remember it like it was yesterday, how much they mean to me, and how much I meant to them. I can’t believe it’s been about 5 years since Marian passed, and only last year since George followed her. Sometimes days, even weeks, would go by where I don’t even remember they’re gone. And other times, something just sparks the fact that they’re not here anymore, in physical form. I still have George’s cell phone number programmed in my own, and I’ve refused to delete it. Somehow, it keeps them alive in my head. I know that if there is a heaven, or some way that they can see me and see how I’m living, then they must be doing just that and wishing me well. But the fact of the matter is, I miss their voices, their reinforcements of love. I miss that I got to see them almost every weekend when I was in college. I missed that George made me ham when I woke up in the mornings, and Marian would help with my laundry. I missed that they would let me watch whatever silly show I wanted whenever I was staying at their place. They were like my grandparents, and I miss them so much. I miss their talks about their trips in Laughlin, staying in various laughlin hotels instead of Vegas. I miss how Marian gets all excited when she talked about how much she won from a night of gambling there. I miss how George would call me, “Little Lady” whenever he hugged me. I’ve known them since I was 9 years old. Somehow, having them gone still doesn’t feel real to me.

Cuddly Furball

May 31st, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections, gratitude

We have a lovely, lovely cat. Her name is Tink. She is our pride and joy, and the apple of our eye. We’re trying to get her to understand that she’s no longer going to be the only pride and joy in our home. Come July-ish, we’re going to be blessed with a furless pride and joy, named Baby Bean. Heh. It will be interesting to see how Tink reacts to a screaming, screeching, little baby bundle.

Today, we took Tink to the vet (thought we were going to be late, since I wasn’t wearing my Vacheron watch), for her regular annual appointment and booster shot. She was NOT at all happy. We had to put her in her little carrier, since she was not having it on her leash and collar. She cried the whole way, and whined and whined, but in the end, she did very well. I cupped her little head in my hands while she was being poked and prodded, and she did fine. She winced a little when the shot was given, but still she was fine. No growls, no hisses! She’s quite famous at the vet’s, too, since she is known for her growls, hisses, and scratches. They had to wear gloves the last time she was here, and one time, they even had to put a towel over her head during the shots. The vet was very impressed today… said she must be mellowing out in her older age. Hah.

I’m grateful for this cuddly yet feisty little furball of ours.

Showing Kindness

May 29th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections, gratitude

Being in a relationship — particularly a marriage — takes a lot of work. It’s active participation, active perspective holding, active everything, really. After about 10 years of knowing Dave, and 8 years of being together, and almost a year of marriage, we’ve really been able to find the perfect relationship for the both of us. As much as I value communication and honesty, I think above all else, Dave and I value kindness most. We make a real effort to be kind to each other, always saying “thank you” for the little things we do for each other, acknowledging when the other one is working hard at being emotionally regulated, and especially acknowledging when the other is stressed out and needs our kind shoulder to lean on. I think this is the most important part of a relationship. We’ve been practicing kindness towards each other for years. Sometimes we slip when we’re grumpy or stressed, but we always fall back into that pattern of practicing kindness and compassion. We’re completely two different people, of course. It’s hard to forget that when certain aspects of our personalities clash so well (ie: he is the king procrastinator, and I am the queen do-it-now), and we’re constantly reminded that yes, indeed, we *are* two different people. But we’re two different people who make the conscious effort to understand each other, compromise for each other, and be kind to each other. It isn’t so hard to love each other. It’s the matter of “liking” each other all the time that takes work and many attempts. Hehe.

This is a very stressful time for us right now. We’re holding it together well, but I think it is because we’re doing it together. I’m not going to go into details because I’d rather chat about it with my friends than just spill it to the the unknown abyss of the internet (I’m more social that way, I suppose?), so if you want to know, send me an email or an IM or whatever. Heh.

Anyway, yesterday, Dave and I had a long, long talk about how we’re handling this stress. We’re quite proud of how we’re handling it — with calm words, lots of “I love you”s, and constant reminders that we’ll make it through because we have each other. We strategize on what to do next, we look at all our options, we acknowledge each other’s attempts and we’re extra kind to each other. Yesterday, I came home to the dishes all washed, dinner being made, the litter box clean, the trash taken out. And I gave him a kiss and I said, “Thank you for doing all this stuff, husband. :)” He said you’re welcome, and kissed me back. It’s the small acknowledgments and actions that remind me that we work hard together, that we deserve each other, and that we’re going to make it. We’re one of the marriages that will make it.

I told him yesterday, “Despite all this stress and shit hitting the fan, I wouldn’t go through it with anyone else but you.”

His response? “Me, too.”

Dishing What’s Received

April 30th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections, gratitude

Every so often I would meet a client who just makes my day. With every profession that requires working with people, you come across all types of characters — the rude ones, the shy ones, the resistant ones, the arrogant ones, the polite ones, etc. And then there are the ones who just makes you feel good to be helping them. The ones who make you WANT to help them because they’re deserving and they’re one of the good ones put on earth to make life pretty. Right now, I have a client like that. Circumstances led him to needing my help, but all I can say is that I’m the one who is truly blessed to be able to help him because it makes me feel really good to know that there are good souls out there, who despite all the crap they go through, can walk through their day with a big smile and still treat everyone kindly. The world constantly throws him lemons, and all he does is pick them up and comment on what pretty yellow they are, and that at least he can make lemonade now because he was thirsty. I like people who lift me up. It really is true — the way you act towards others is exactly the way others will treat you in return. You get what you deserve. This guy deserves my utter respect, my kindness, my help. Because he was willing to give it first without asking for anything back.

Easier to Make Friends

March 13th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in connections

You know, I can’t stress enough how much I really like the people I work with. They’re totally awesome and they make it worthwhile for me to come to work. We all get along really well and we all have the same type of personality and values and beliefs. It makes things easier that we’re all in this field because we want to be, and because of that, this field attracts a certain character type of the population. That means that anywhere I go to do this type of work, I’ll meet like-minded people with common interests as my own. This makes for making friends a LOT easier, I gotta tell ya. Heh.

Summertime

March 9th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections

I can’t wait until summer! One of the things that always happens every summer is the family gatherings with the in-laws. It’s when the weather is nicer and we can hang out outside in the back yard and grill food on one of those Asanti grills. I love getting together with the family and eating good food and having good conversation. Everything seems to be more relaxed in the summer. This is what Bean will remember about summer — all those awesome times getting together with the relatives and playing with the cousins. Growing up with such a big, extended family that love and care for her. It will be so wonderful. This summer will be a great change, too, what with the welcoming of our lovely little girl.

Happiness is a Religion

February 21st, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in connections

One of the most awesome things about life in general is the connections we make. I am most appreciative of the people and animals in my life. From Tink to Peeka (Jenbug’s puppy), and Dave to my coworkers, everyone I choose to keep in my immediate surrounding are so very special to me. I am so blessed to have all these wonderful spirits around me. I know it sounds really corny, but I’ve learned a while ago that in order to be happy, you have to fill yourself with happy surroundings and think happy. It sounds pretty simple, and sometimes it’s not that easy to do, but it’s the secret formula. It’s my religion. Happiness is my religion.

No matter how much of an isolated person I am, I am still very much of a social butterfly. I go back and forth between the two sides of the spectrum, often being able to lead in a big crowd and perform for everyone. And then other days, I would rather be a wallflower and hang back and just watch. It’s kind of amazing how I can just turn it on and off. I don’t think I had that ability before. I think this is a new thing and I’m not sure where I got it from. But I like it.