It’s been a while since I’ve been here. It has been too long. I have forgotten how to write a proper entry –you know, an entry that is not under 40 characters, like a text line on the phone or a twitter update. I don’t know how long this blogging thing will last, but I just don’t have the heart to get rid of this blog and this site. It’s been over 10 years since I’ve opened it.
Things are starting to fall together for us at home, especially with finances. I’ve never been one to worry about money, and I’m not liking that now I have to. Guh. But I suppose it’s practical and realistic. It’s kind of sucky growing up, when you have to worry about home insurance and disability insurance (just in case). It gives me a headache when I think about where our money goes (insurance is a huge scam… I can’t believe it’s “required” in so many different areas). Oh well, what can ya do.
Last month, I got my car towed at the parking lot from my last job. It was the stupidest thing ever, because for months my coworkers and I have been parking on the side next to the building because our work parking lot was always full. The final week before I left the old job, my car got towed. Of course!!! I was not happy about this. I had to take some time off work and ask a coworker to drive me to the 24 hour towing lot down the street to pick up my car. And then I had to fork over the fine in order to get my car out of the impound lot. It was a headache, and I was not amused at all. Oh well, lesson learned (though I’m not sure what lesson this was… perhaps to be more sly in my illegal parking when my work place can’t provide enough spaces for their employees?).
And I’m not just talking about hunting for animals, or eating meat (yes, I am a vegetarian), but I specifically mean hunting for stability. No more house hunting, no more job hunting. We’re stable now!!! I sure don’t miss having to update my resumes and sending them out, looking and hoping for an agency that would suit me and that I would be suited for. It’s been over 6 weeks since I’ve started my new position, and I am soooo happy in it. I’m really proud of being part of something therapeutic and innovative. And I’m furthermore proud that they treat me well as an employee. I’ve been waiting for this moment since 2002, when I first got out of university! It’s a long time to be waiting for appreciation in your job field.
There is something so great about having your own home. It’s wonderful because you take such pride in your “things” and the walls you live within. And it doesn’t even matter what types of furniture you have, or how old the house is, or what colors the walls are, or whether or not you have one of those walk in bathtubs in your bathroom. What matters is that these are the things that you surround yourself with that make you feel like you’re “home.” The safe haven you create for yourself, and for your family. I truly treasure that, and I think it makes everything so much more wonderful.
We’ve also been really minimizing our home too. Just the things that we feel are special — lots and lots of books, and lots and lots of photos. Everything else seems to just be “extra.” We have lots of books, lots of photos, and lots of plants. I love coming home to this… home.
Today, I was thrown off for a loop. I guess I should have seen it coming, since I sort of started it, but still, I didn’t realize I was dealing with such craziness. Didn’t really expect it. But, I suppose in the end, it is worth mentioning that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and it doesn’t make me give up on people. I guess, the thing to say is… good riddance. It’s left me a little confused and stunned, as I haven’t met many people who can so blatantly ignore everything you say because they’re so defensive, and then they become offensive as a result. But, in the end, I’ve said my piece, and my peace, and I’m okay with that.
These things in life that throw us for a loop.. they come and they go, and we have to move on. In the end, what should be worrying me more is not the people who choose to push me aside, but the custom usb drives I want to buy. Yeah, exactly. That’s how little this stuff should mean to me.
I haven’t shown gratitude or insight on this blog in a while, I feel. Lately, I feel like I’ve been floating because things seem to come naturally to me in life. I don’t have to think too much of what I have to do everyday. It’s routine. Mostly it concerns house stuff, as we’re still more or less settling into our new home. I’m trying to find some time for “me,” but it has been difficult because every waking extra time I have has been spent with Lily because I miss her when I’m not with her. So I try to make it up when she and I are awake together. But more and more, I am noticing that I need some essential “me” time as well. I’m not sure what this would consist of, but I think it should have something to do with exercise and most likely yoga. I’ve neglected my yoga routine ever since we’ve moved here. The busy-ness of life gets in the way, and before you know it, months have passed and your body hasn’t felt healthy in a while. I feel like sometimes, I stretch myself so much into my community and my family, there is not enough left of me for myself. And my mind and body ache to be given the same amount of attention that I give everyone else.
I’ve been trying to find some time to read more. Often, when I am not busy (like after Lily’s bedtime), I find myself aimlessly surfing the internet, mind-numbing my brain out for a bit because I’m so darn tired. Or, I find myself watching tv until I pass out on the couch from the pure exhaustion of my day catching up to me. Reading seems to be difficult, though still greatly enjoyable. I sneak it in more often than not on my lunch breaks during the week — going out by myself to eat in a restaurant just so I can have that half hour to hour of reading. Just on my own. I don’t miss anyone else’s company but myself. So, I try to find less time to work work work and think about silly things (like for example, the way our society is so targeted on best weight loss pills), and to find more time for myself.